I'm in denial that I subconsciously like scots

Whovian and Oncer. A fan of Robert Carlyle, David Tennant, and Craig Ferguson.

Things I understand and have experienced:

• Being betrayed by trusted friends.
• Being beat up by friends.
• Being lied to be people.
• Being manipulated.
• Being stolen from.
• Being taken taken advantage of.
• Being scared for my safety. (Physical safety, such as molested, raped, etc.)
• Being threatened with physical violence.
• Black mailed.
• Abandoned. (By family and by friends.)
• Stood up.
• Squishes.
• Bliss.
• Genuine love.
• Unconditional love.
• Kindness from strangers.
• Hugging.
• Cuddling.
• Hand holding.
• Being there for people for their break ups.

Things I don’t understand and haven’t experienced:

• Crushes.
• Romantic love.
• Wanting something more than just a platonic relationship.
• Kissing.
• A desire to be intimate.
• Romantic attraction.
• Sexual attraction.
• Having my heart broken in a romantic sense.
• Basically anything to do with romance, wanting to married, wanting to have someone else around, wanting to date, to kiss, to have sex, etc.
• Wanting to be parent.

So…if I don’t really respond to posts having to do with those it’s because I don’t know anything about it. I do understand what it’s like to be hurt, lied to, betrayed, and to lose people I care about. Although I expect everyone to leave me at some point. But anything I know is from being part of my friends experiences and observing.

Actually it’s annoying in real life when people tell me I should be dating or being surprised by my lack of interest. That I haven’t had any romantic experiences or desire any. 

Basically all my real life friends are in relationships. They look at me and wonder what am I doing? They think I’m lonely. My family wonders, my siblings wonder, my cousin doesn’t because he knows better.

But I’m not. I’m just not. I didn’t know really what it was like to see a friend on a regular basis. Regular basis meaning maybe twice every month or one every three months.

It’s not that I don’t like people. I am very affectionate when I’m with people who are important to me. But I don’t want anything more.

I spent most of my life with animals and people twice or three times my age. I spent some of my life being in community theatre. I spent it working on a Newspaper route and talking to I delivered to who were also older than I was.

It’s really just this past year that I’ve been near people. That people have asked me to go hang out and asked me to see them. I spent most of my life without that. Why do I need to be asked? Because bad experiences of being betrayed and abandoned. Until I know I’m wanted I don’t move. 

Right now I am enjoying the experience of having friends. That’s something I didn’t truly get until I was nineteen. I did hang out a bit when I eighteen with one person but this is the first time that I’ve been around more people.

I’m just starting to get used to being around people my age in a positive environment and not a negative one. 

So dating? I don’t want it. To quote Ten “I just want a mate.” 

Besides I’m not ready for it or personally consider myself mature enough or on even steady ground to even think about it. My social skills are not good and besides every person I’ve come across wants sex. I don’t want that so me waiting a few years to broaden my perspective and gain experience with people before delving into the world of romantic relationships is fine with me.

For people who are wanting a relationship. Nothing wrong with it. It’s what you want, it’s how you feel. I understand the want of being close to someone. I know how nice it feels to be close to someone. But I don’t really quite understand the romance, not really. So forgive me when I don’t respond to those because saying “I know what it’s like” isn’t true for me. I don’t. Not going to lie, I just don’t.